113. Juan And Half (Juan y Medio)
Once upon a time there was a soldier named Juan And Half, who could eat the communal meal for seven soldiers and still remained hungry. One day, the captain called him in and said:
How is it that you are never full from eating?
[Note: In Spanish, his name is “Juan y Medio”, which literally translates to Juan and Half. Maybe the “Half” is to denote his ability to eat, as if he is 1.5x a regular man? Otherwise, I’m not sure how his name came to be.]
Then Juan And Half told [him] his story:
It’s because one time my mother was making a fabada for the entire family and I told her that I, with what she was cooking, didn’t even have enough to start [my meal]; then my mother said to me: “Jesus, this young man can eat! May you never see yourself being full of anything, my son!” And since then, I have never been full.
Juan And Half, besides being a big eater, was [also] very brave. And as he was very brave, the king’s daughter fell in love with him. The king, on finding out [about this], sent for him and said:
Are you that valiant man whom everyone speaks about?
Juan And Half did not answer him. In view of this, the king asked his daughter:
Is this the soldier that you are in love with?
The princess replied:
Yes, this is the man I am in love with because of how strong and brave he is.
Well, retire yourself – the king said to the princess -, as I am going to make arrangement for this immediately.
The princess [then] went away and the king spoke to Juan And Half:
Juan And Half, you look here. You have to go to a palace in the Crags of Armenia and bring me a proof that shows that you have been there.
[Note: I’m not sure where this is. The original Spanish text is “Peñas de Armenia”.]
Juan And Half went to the Crags of Armenia. And on his way he encountered a woman who was [waiting] in the shade of a fig tree and who asked him:
Where are you heading to, sir?
Juan And Half answered:
That I cannot tell you, ma’am.
The woman [then] said:
Well then give me your right hand.
Juan held out his hand and the woman put a ring on his middle finger and told him:
When you find yourself in a grave urgency, rub this ring and the ring will help you.
Juan And Half continued on his way until he reached a village with a forge in it. He entered the forge and said to the blacksmith:
Good evening, [mister] blacksmith; make room for me, for I want to forge some tongs [each] weighing two quintales.
The blacksmith forged them in a quarter of an hour and Juan And Half paid him for the expense. On leaving the forge, he rubbed the ring and turned [himself] into a very large bird. Then he picked up the tongs with his beak and began to fly [away]. The people of the village became very frightened when they saw so large a bird flying above their heads, [and remained so] until they saw that it had flown far away.
The bird reached the Crags of Armenia and returned to its human form. [Then] A small demon came out from the door of that place asked him:
Why have you come here?
At this [moment] a larger demon appeared to see what was happening and Juan And Half, without further ado, grabbed him with the tongs, rubbed the ring, and transformed himself into a bird once more and flew away with the demon gripped by the tongs. He flew to where the king was, recovered his human form and said to him:
Here is evidence to prove that I came from the Crags of Armenia.
The king, surprised, said to him:
How did you manage to bring him with you?
The world teaches much – replied Juan And Half.
And where did you enter the palace of Armenia? – asked the king, full of curiosity.
I didn’t have to enter – answered Juan And Half -, because I was lucky enough that he [the demon] who came [here] with me leaned out from the door and I tied him up then and there.
Very well – said the satisfied king -, well now you can release him, as he is of no use to us here.
Juan And Half opened the tongs and the demon escaped through the air, letting out multiple hideous snorts. Then Juan And Half picked up the tongs and stood at attention in front of the king, as if he was carrying a gun. And the king asked him:
Who had given you those tongs?
I made them in a quarter of an hour in the forge belonging to a blacksmith from around here – replied Juan And Half.
The king [then] sent him to bathe in a tub of hot water so that he could remove the stains the demon had left on him during the travel. Then he gave him some clothes and told him this:
I have two hundred doves in my recreational forest. I want you to bring them here, to the palace courtyard, without missing a single one.
Juan And Half went to the forest, rubbed the ring and said:
Doves, [gather] here!
And all [of them] came. Some perched on his head, others on his arms and shoulders, and the rest fluttered around him. He began to walk [back] in this manner, and as he passed through the streets, everyone was admiring him when they saw so many doves surrounding him. And so he entered the royal palace and stood in front of the king in the middle of the courtyard.
And the king said:
Very well, leave the doves here and go over there and rest for a few days.
A few days later, while he was strolling through the palace’s surroundings, Juan And Half said aloud:
If the king believes that he is going to have me all year as his errand boy, coming and going to do whatever that comes to his mind, he is totally mistaken.
He rubbed the ring and said:
Princess, here!
The princess came, [then] they left together and got married in a nearby kingdom. Indignant, the princess’s father wrote to the king of that nearby kingdom asking him to kill Juan And Half, but warned him to be careful, as he was the bravest soldier in the world.
This king gathered his knights, and being well-armed, he sent them into the field to fight Juan And Half. The knights came out with their weapons to wait for him, but he came, grabbed a horse by the tail and wham, bam!, wham, bam! he knocked them all down with the horse.
The king, seeing this, was thinking of how to finish off Juan And Half, and in the end, he sent for all the shoemakers in the city and ordered them to make a man out of pitch, which is a black, viscous substance remaining from tar. And once finished, to put him by the seashore in such a way that he would be covered with a rising tide.
The shoemakers made the man out of pitch and put him by the seashore in the manner they had been instructed, tightly fastening him with stakes in the soles of his feet.
Then he sent for Juan And Half and told him:
Is it true that you have not met a man as brave as you?
It is true – said Juan And Half.
Well, here there is one that wants to fight you – said the king.
And Juan said:
Oh really? And where is this person?
He waits for you over there by the shore – they told him.
The king’s soldiers entered formation around the place, for Juan And Half wanted them to witness the combat so they could really see what a brave man was like. Juan And Half, first of all, took off the ring and gave it to the princess to keep it for him.
The tide was rising and it was already at the tar man’s knee. Juan And Half approached him and said:
Are you the bravest man of this kingdom? Well, surrender and bow to me.
As the tar man did not move, Juan And Half said to him again:
Do you bow to me or not? Look [and see] what I will do to you! Do you bow to me or not?
And as the man continued to stay put, Juan gave him a good punch and his right hand got stuck to the man’s body, because [as] he was made from tar. [Getting] Angry, he said to him again:
Do you bow to me or not? Look [and see] what I will do to you!
And as the man did not bow to him, he punched him again with his left hand and this [in turn] got stuck [in the tar man’s body]. And Juan then said:
Will you let go of my hands? Look [and see] what I will do to you with my foot! Will you let go of my hands?
And he gave him a kick and it [too] became stuck. Now that he was infuriated, he then said to the tar man:
Will you let go of my hands and foot? Look [and see] what I will do to you with my other foot!
And he kicked him with his other foot, and of course it, too, got stuck. Now that he was greatly angry, he said:
Will you let go of my hands and feet? Look [and see] how I will hit you in the gut and break you in half!
The tar man, naturally, continued to stay silent, so that Juan And Half hit him in the gut and got stuck in his belly. By then the tide had been rising and rising, and the water now had covered half of their bodies; and, on hitting the tar man’s gut, the stakes broke and they both fell into the water. A wave carried them away and that was the end of Juan And Half.
[Note: Juan And Half probably head-butted the tar man’s belly.]
The princess then rubbed the ring that Juan And Half had left her and exclaimed:
To my father!
And in an instant she ended up in her kingdom once more.
—– VOCABULARY —–
Acabarse – (to be used up) to run out; (to consume completely) to finish; (to run its course) to end, to finish, to be over, to be done; (to perish) to die
Al cabo – (eventually) in the end, at the end of the day
Alquitrán – tar
Antes de nada – first of all
Atizar – (to prod fire) to stoke, to stir, to poke; (to incite) to stir up; (to hit) to give; atizarse – (to devour) to put away (food), to knock back (drink); (to get trashed) to get stoned, to get wasted
Comilón – (gluttonous) greedy, big eater
Cuadrarse – (military) to stand at attention; (to not move) to stand still
Discurrir – (to devise) to come up with, to think up; (to ponder) to reflect, to think; (related to roads) to pass, to run
Equivocar de medio a medio – got it all wrong
Equivocarse – (to make an error, often used with “con”) to make a mistake; (to confuse, used with “de”); (to be in error, often used with “con”) to be wrong, to be mistaken
Espantoso – (frightening) horrifying; (extremely bad) hideous, awful, horrible, frightful
Estacar – (to support with stakes) to stake; (to enclose with stakes) to stake off; (to tie to a post) to tie up, to tether
Fabada – (Asturian bean, chorizo, and pork stew) fabada
Forjar – (metallurgy) to forge, to shape; (to produce) to shape, to forge, to build up
Fragua – (furnace) forge; (metal workshop) forge
Frotar – (to apply friction) to rub, to scrub;
Fusil – (weapon) rifle, gun
Gasto – (expenditure) spending; (charge) expense, cost
Harto de – (annoyed with) fed up with, tired of
Hazme sitio – make room for me; you told me to buy that one
Higuera – fig tree
Hombrón – big strong man
Ir a parar – to end up, to wind up
Marea – (movement of water) tide
Medio – (fifty percent of) half; (ordinary) average; (intermediate) middle
Mozo – (old fashioned) (young person) young boy, young girl
Muestra – (small portion) sample; (medicine) sample, specimen; (indication) sign, proof, token
Pegado – (adhered) glued, stuck; (surprised) (Spain) stunned;
Pelear – (to brawl) to fight; (to have an argument) to argue, to fight; (to strive) to struggle; (to contend with) to compete; pelearse – (to physically fight) to fight
Peña – (geology) rock; (geography) cliff, craig;
Pez – (animal) fish; (material) pitch, tar
Posarse – (to fall) to settle; (to settle on a surface after flying) to land, to alight, to perch
Presenciar – (to view) to witness, to see; (to go to) to attend, to be present at
Puñetazo – (hit) punch
Rabo – (animal anatomy) tail; (botany) stem;
Rancho – (food for a group) mess, communal meal; (farmstead) ranch, farm
Recadero – messenger, errand boy,
Recobrar – (to have or take back) to recover, to take back; (to recover a faculty) to recover, to get back, to regain; (compensate for) to make up for (lost time); (military) to recapture, to retake
Rendir – (to yield) to produce; (to do well) to perform; (to be enough) to serve; (to conquer) to defeat; (to tire out) to exhaust; (to honor) to pay
Reverencia – (veneration) reverence; (obeisance) bow (inclination), curtsy (genuflection)
Revolotear – (to hover around) to flutter, to flit; (to whirl around) to fly around, to swirl around
Rodilla – (anatomy) knee
Soltar – (to stop holding) to let go of, to drop, to put down, to let out; (to free) to set free, to release
Sombra – (optics) shadow; (area without sun) shade;
Sujetar – (to grasp) to hold; (to fix in place) to fasten, to hold in place; (to restrain) to hold down, to subdue, to conquer; sujetarse – to hold on, to hold in place; to abide by
Sustancia – (matter) substance; (most important part) essence, substance
Tenaza – (gripping instrument) tongs, pair of tongs; (tool) pliers, pair of pliers, pincers
Tender – (to suspend) to hang; (to place) to lay out; (to reach) to approach; (to extend) to stretch out; (to pass) to hand, to offer
Tina – bathtub, tub; (large container) tub, vat
Tiznar – (to turn black) to blacken, to smudge; tiznarse – (to paint oneself black) to blacken oneself
Trincar – (to pinion) to hold by the arms, to hold; (to bind) to tie up; (to rob) to steal; (to cut into small pieces) to shred, to chop up;
Tripazo – golpe dado en la tripa
Tumbar – (to topple) to knock down, to kick down (using one’s foot), to knock over, to demolish