035. (Juan Soldado) Juan The Soldier
Juan Soldado was a lad who enlisted as a soldier and fought in the wars when one day he was discharged as he had completed his service and decided to return home. He set out on his journey, walking through the lands and sleeping wherever he could find, and for his service [in the army] they gave him a cake of bread and three coins. Then he met a pauper who begged him for food and Juan Soldado gave him half of his bread. And [it turned out that] this pauper was the Lord, but he didn’t mention this to him. Later he met another pauper who also begged him for food and Juan Soldado gave him the other half of his bread, and he only had the three coins remaining [with him]. And [it turned out that] this pauper was Saint Pedro [Peter]. [Then] One night when he was lost, he saw a light and approached it to see who was there.
He arrived at where the light was, and there were the Lord and Saint Pedro, and they welcomed him in.
May I stay here with you?
said Juan Soldado. And they said to him:
Yes, you may. But we don’t have anything to eat and one of us would have to go buy a lamb.
And Juan Soldado said:
I will buy the lamb, for I still have three coins [on me]
and he went and he bought one. Then the Lord said to him:
Now you [will] have to roast that lamb that you just bought, for we are going to go to the village next door to ask for some bread.
The Lord and Saint Peter went to the village, and Juan Soldado stayed behind to roast the lamb. Juan Soldado was so hungry, with his stomach growling so much from hunger, that he couldn’t resist and ate the roast lamb while the others were away. And when they returned with the bread, they all sat down [together] to eat.
What? Is the lamb ready? -they asked.
It is ready
replied Juan Soldado, and they began to eat.
They were eating when the Lord asked:
Where is the offal of the lamb, for I don’t see it anywhere?
And Juan Soldado said calmly:
Come on! Don’t you know that this is a black lamb and that black lambs do not have offal? The white ones have them, but not the black ones.
The Lord and Saint Pedro were satisfied [with his response] and they ate what they had. Then they took a wonderful nap and, when they woke up, they set out on the road once more. Soon they arrived at a village where there was a sick man who was dying, and his relatives approached the Lord, for he had a reputation for curing the sick in all those lands, to ask him to see if the sick man could be cured. Juan Soldado then approached the relatives and told them that, as there were three of them, they would have to give them three bushels of coal (tres arrobas de carbón, with one “arroba” being roughly 25 lbs), three of nuts and three of wine. This they agreed to and the Lord, meanwhile, ordered that a large fire be made and that they all leave. And when the fire was very strong, the Lord placed the sick man on it; and Juan Soldado said:
Mother of mine! When they enter and see that he had burned the sick man, they will kill us right away.
But, after the sick man was on the fire for a short time, the Lord gave him his blessing and he healed completely; and the Lord opened the door and showed the sick man to his relatives, who received him with great joy.
Ask us whatever you want -they said-, and we will gladly give it to you.
And the Lord said:
There’s nothing that I want.
And [so] the three of them [then] left the village.
And they were already on their way when Juan Soldado said to the Lord:
You see, I had left my knife back at where the sick man was, and with your permission, I will go back to grab it
and the Lord knew that Juan Soldado was heading back to ask for [more] money from the sick man’s relatives.
So he went back and Juan Soldado said to them:
My master said that you all have to give me two bags of money.
Very well -said the good people-, here are your two bags of money and may God be with you.
Juan Soldado returned to his companions and showed them the two bags of money and said:
If you don’t want them, [as] they were given to me, they will remain mine.
Well, you will know [soon]
said the Lord. And they continued on their way. And they came to another village where there was another sick man who was on his last legs. The Lord again agreed that they [should] give him three bushels of coal, three of nuts, and three of wine, and he [then] locked himself in a room with the sick man. And Juan Soldado said:
This time they will really kill us
and [so] he began to eat the nuts and drink the wine while he [still] had the opportunity. And with the time passed by, the Lord came out from the room where he was with the sick man and the latter appeared as fit as a fiddle. And the relatives said to him:
Ask what you want, for we will give them to you.
[Nguyen: the original text is “apareció sano como una manzana”, which literally translates to “appeared as healthy as an apple”.]
And the Lord said:
I don’t want anything.
So they went on their way once again, and when they were some way away, Juan Soldado said:
I had left my handkerchief at the sick man’s place and I have to return to retrieve it.
And the Lord said:
That’s fine, go back and retrieve it.
And Juan Soldado went back, but not to search for the handkerchief. [There,] He said to the [man’s] relatives:
I have come on behalf of my master [to convey his request that] you have to give me three bags of money
and they gave these to him.
Juan Soldado [then] returned to where the Lord and Saint Peter were and showed them the bags of money, and he said to them:
These you get to see, but you won’t taste them. If they told you to ask for them and yet you did not want to, why [then] should I give them to you?
But the Lord told him to give him the money, and he divided it into four equal parts and said:
Three parts are for us three and the fourth is for he who ate the offal.
And Juan Soldado said:
Well, that one is for me [then], for I was the one who ate the offal.
And so it was known who had eaten the offal; then the Lord said to him:
Good, well now you can leave in peace.
So Juan Soldado went his own way and arrived at a village where there was a sick man. And as he had seen what the Lord did, he said:
If you would give me four bags of money, I will [help] cure the sick man.
They gave him the money and he ordered them to light a fire and [then] shut himself in a room with the sick man. But when he placed the sick man on the fire, the latter was burnt all over, and in the next morning when they came by to see him, they found him [already] dead. And [so] the relatives wanted to kill Juan Soldado, but then the Lord appeared and said to him:
You don’t have the power to do these things. I, now, am going to revive this man, but you will not ask for any money from this and you will also [need to] return all that they had given you
and this he did and the sick man came back to life.
Then the Lord and Saint Peter left once more with Juan Soldado. And the Lord said to him:
Juan Soldado, because you were good to us and gave us what you had, now I want to give you whatever that you ask of me.
And Saint Peter told him:
Go on, Juan Soldado, ask [him to let you] go to heaven.
And Juan Soldado said:
And why do I want to go to heaven? Is it because there are no stairs to go up there? What I want is a chair that whoever sits on it cannot get up from it unless I let him to.
Very well, I will grant you this -said the Lord.
And Juan Soldado said:
And I also want a sack that will only open and close when I say so.
Very well, I will grant you this -said the Lord.
And Juan Soldado said:
Well, the last thing that I want is a fig tree at the door of my house, where anyone who climbs on it cannot get off until I let him.
Very well, I will grant you this, and that’s three already! -said the Lord.
And Juan Soldado went his way and returned to his village, got married [and settled there].
Time went by and one day the devil said:
This Juan Soldado must be very old by now, so we will have to go and search for him. Who will go and search him out [for me]?
A lesser (young) demon offered himself and the devil said:
Very well, then you will go.
So he arrived at Juan Soldado’s house and knocked on the door and Juan Soldado opened the door himself, and he knew immediately that he [the guest] was a lesser demon. So he said to him:
My man! I see that you have come for me. That’s just fine, make yourself comfortable in this chair and wait for me while I get dressed.
The lesser demon sat in the chair and remained seated without being able to get up. Then Juan Soldado called his people [neighbors] and between them all they gave him [the lesser demon] a severe beating until the poor lesser demon shouted out:
Juan Soldado, let me go and I assure you that I will never come for you again!
Well, [you can then] get up and leave!
said Juan Soldado, and the lesser demon ran away at full speed and did not stop until he reached the gate of hell.
The devil, on seeing him [back without Juan Soldado], became furious, but then a greater demon said to him:
Let him be, for I am going to go fetch this Juan Soldado and will bring [drag] him here by his ears.
The devil consented and the greater demon went to search for Juan Soldado at his house. So he arrived at the house and loudly banged on the door, saying:
Open up, Juan Soldado, this time the chair won’t do you any good.
And Juan Soldado came out to open it and the greater demon told him that he had come to search for and take him back, and Juan Soldado said to him:
Well, I will go with you this very moment, but I have to put on my shoes [first], and while I put on my shoes, search for travel money for our [upcoming] journey in that sack that you see over there.
The greater demon put his hand in the sack and could not remove it. Then Juan Soldado called his people and they came with sticks [and canes] and beat the greater demon until he was bruised all over.
The greater demon escaped when Juan Soldado let him take his hand out of the sack and ran back to hell and said:
Look [at] how they had treated me!
Well, that was how they treated me yesterday [, too]!
said the lesser demon, and then the devil became even more angry than ever, he put on his cloak and went off to search for Juan Soldado himself. He arrived at the house seething [with furor] and knocked on the door, and when Juan Soldado came out, he said to him:
You will come with me right now, for neither the chair nor your sack will be of any use to you.
And Juan Soldado said to him:
Very well, señor devil. Climb up that fig tree and pick yourself some figs for the journey [ahead], and I’ll be leaving [with you] right away.
The devil climbed up the fig tree and, of course, could not get down. And Juan Soldado called his people and they began to throw rocks at him until they got tired [as] the devil could not get off the fig tree; and he could only come down when Juan Soldado gave him permission [to do so], and by then he was so exhausted that he could hardly move and arrived half-dead back at hell.
Time passed by again and Juan Soldado was now very old and it was his turn [time] to die, and he went to the gate of hell and knocked to see if he could stay there.
Who goes there? -they asked him.
Juan Soldado -he answered.
Oh, no, we won’t open the gate for you, you’ve already done us enough harm with so many beatings!
And Juan Soldado went away and wandered around until he came to the gate of heaven. And Saint Pedro came out to open it and said to him:
Why, my man, you are here! Didn’t you say that you don’t want [to be in] heaven? Why do you come now?
Well, you see… -Juan Soldado humbly said.
And didn’t you say that there were no stairs leading to here? So, how did you get here?
said Saint Pedro jokingly. But at last he felt sorry for him and went to speak to the Lord. And Saint Pedro asked him:
Where should we put this man?
And the Lord said:
Right there, behind the gate, where he’d be at peace.
And he had been there ever since, John Soldado, perfectly at peace: in a corner of heaven.
—– VOCABULARY —–
Acoger – (to welcome) to receive; (to provide refuge for) to take in
Apalear – to beat, to thrash
Aprovechar – to make the most of, to make good use of
Arroba – (unit of weight)
Asar – to roast, to grill
Baldado – (tired out) exhausted; (disabled) crippled
Bendición – blessing
Bufar – to snort, to hiss, to spit
Calzar – to wear shoes, to put on shoes
Carbón – coal, charcoal
Catar – (to savor) to taste, to sample
Chancearse – to joke, to make jokes
Conceder – to give, to grant, to award
Conformarse – to be satisfied with, to be happy with
Conque – thus, so, so then
Con todo gusto – with pleasure
Convenir – to agree on, to agree to
Cordero – lamb
Daño – damage, hurt, injury, harm
Dar con – to find; to track down (a person)
Dar pena – to be sad; to feel sorry
De tal modo – (with such intensity) like that; (so nervous or angry) in such a state
Devolver – to give back, to return
Encender – (to illuminate) to light, to ignite; (to activate) to turn on, to switch on
Enrolar – to enlist, to recruit; enrolarse – to enlist, to join
Entregar – to hand in, to turn in, to submit, to give
Familiar – relative, family
Habrá – s/he will have; haber – to have
Higuera – fig tree
Humilde – humble, modest
Licenciarse – to graduate
Lumbre – fire; light, glow
Magullar – to bruise
Navaja – blade, razor, penknife
Nuez – nut; walnut; pecan
Ocupar de – to take care of, to deal with, to handle
Oreja – ear
Os – you
Paliza – beating, thrashing
Pañuelo – handkerchief
Pillar – to grab, to catch, to get
Pues ya ves – well you see; as you can see
Quemar – to burn, to set fire to
Quieto – (peaceful) calm, quiet
Repartirse – to give out, to distribute
Sacar – to take out, to remove
Silla – (furniture) chair, seat
Talega – (bag) sack
Tocar – to have to
Torta – cake, pie
Tripas – gut, innards, stomach
Valer – (to serve) to be useful, to be valid
Vagar por – to wander through, to wander around
Venia – permission, consent